I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
