is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
