im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
