I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
