You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
