"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
