Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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