Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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