You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
