Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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