Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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