So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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