what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
