by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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