i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
