My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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