my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
