Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
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I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
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I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize