you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
