i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
