hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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