Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
