i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
