so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
