Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
