Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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