He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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