fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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