i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
