In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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