I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
