brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
