dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
