I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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