I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
