I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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