with your own penis?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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