No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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