I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
