Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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