One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
