I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
