In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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