Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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