I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You are the jesus of drinking
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
