i already hear my dad disowning me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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