craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You were trust falling into bushes
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