You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
