I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
