my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
