Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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