No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
