I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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