I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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