Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
