oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i will never coherently bang her
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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