You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
