I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.