ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
