omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
foreskin is a definite game changer
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
