We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
