So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
