That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
