wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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