never play flip cup with pint glasses
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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