I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
