i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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