he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
