First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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