Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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