please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
