"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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