honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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