I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
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I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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