Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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