so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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