how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
