hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
